Because I Am Here
by inverted.typo
Summary: It's hard to heal. It's really...hard to heal. Kimizuki is beginning to try to figure out how to make it hurt a little bit less. But, he may need a little push before he can face up to himself about it. This takes place the night before the "4 months later" epilogue. Angst and Fluff oneshot


It was a brittle and dilapidated shack, perhaps once being the beach's storage area or a public rest stop. They weren't entirely sure, nor did they care, but it was one of the only suitable places they could find to spend the night. That being said, many of the nights beforehand were spent the same way; finding shelter in a seemingly stable building before moving onwards the next morning. After scouring multiple locations, collecting any usable materials, they settled down in their makeshift beds in a dimly lit room. It had become a habitual routine that they replayed on auto-pilot, reserving their strength for when it actually mattered. The last four months had been nothing more than keeping a low profile to evade the enemies of both the vampires and the army, gathering supplies and strategically preparing their rescue mission.

This was their last stop before they made their official start on the mission.

The night was quiet, with nothing more than the rustle of the ocean and the humming of the crickets filling the air. A few rays of moonlight punctured through a few battered holes in the roof, causing a mystical haze to flood the building. The "family" looked as if they were glowing due to the moonlight, especially the newest member of the group.

Said member was pressed soundly against Yuu, both boys' arms protectively surrounding each other in a safe cocoon. It was a position that was too familiar to the duo, something they used to do every night in the vampire city. Shinoa always slept on her back, never submitting to her side or stomach. Mitsuba seemed to never stay still, constantly shifting, turning and re-adjusting herself. Makoto strangely enough, slept on his stomach, always using his arms as his pillow. Yoichi, their loveable little archer, found himself curling up, balling up as if to keep warm. Everyone was trying their best to get a good night's rest, all but one.

Kimizuki sat in the embrace of an inky shadow in the very back, head resting against the wall. He allowed only a blanket to loosely cover his lap. He looked up at the small bits of sky that bled through the holes in the ceiling. His mind was looping over thoughts that had settled down in his mind days, months, years beforehand. They bounced around loudly in his skull, impatiently and energetically keeping him awake. He frowned. He tried to close his eyes, to relax, to sleep, but the thoughts in his head would have none of it.

He bit his lip. He guessed this was going to be yet another sleepless night. He tried to close his eyes one more time. He was mildly surprised when he could at least keep his lids shut this time, despite the demanding attention of his insomnia. The teen kept his eyes closed, his thoughts however still occupying his time. He bitterly accepted the fact this was his equivalent of sleep that night. He stayed like this for an unknown period of time. Minutes? Hours? Seconds? Time didn't make sense to him on nights like these. He supposed he should just yield to the inconvenience of-

"Kimizuki?"

His eyes shot open. He jumped a bit as his eyes locked onto two bright green ones. A soft face framed by thick, wavy chocolate brown hair complimented the two round, almost owl-like eyes. Lips were formed into a small frown, and brows were furrowed in worry. It only took him a second more to realize a warm hand, a bit smaller than his own, was cupping his face. The moonlight reflected off of smooth, shiny hair, making it almost seem like the boy was being highlighted by an elegant halo.

"Yoichi…"

The swordsman felt another hand come up and hold the other half of his face. He gazed at the boy, mesmerized by his peculiar beauty. Their eyes scanned one another, a sullen silence settling between them. A shiver trickled down Kimizuki's spine as Yoichi's thumb caressed his cheek.

"Which night is this, Kimizuki?" Yoichi whispered, "How many nights haven't you been able to sleep…?"

He swallowed, still searching those magnificent green eyes.

"I...I lost count after…" he trailed off.

Yoichi shook his head, settling closer. He closed his eyes as he rested his forehead against Kimizuki's. He murmured, fingers raking through short and jagged pink hair. Kimizuki automatically found himself reaching over to place his hands around Yoichi's waist.

"...You know I feel it when you get up," Yoichi admitted, "From the moment you wiggle your arms from around me, to the moment you kiss my temple and walk off."

"I don't mean to wake you. I'm sorry."

"I know. But, that isn't what bothers me."

Kimizuki was silent as he pulled Yoichi closer, arms coiling around his figure.

"What bothers you, then?"

"What bothers me...is not knowing what you're going through."

Kimizuki had to break their gaze, looking down to the side. Parts of his glasses and a glint of his piercing catch some of the moonlight, despite the dark shadow that encases them. His mouth doesn't even move to answer, nor explain.

He stayed quiet, solid, and stubborn. He had refused this...talk...for weeks, even months. He detested the idea of expressing his troubles, yet was unable to justify why. It hurt him tremendously either way. Yoichi shook his head before burying it in his shoulder. His hands moved down to grip Kimizuki's shirt, the material wrinkling under Yoichi's balled up fists.

"Shiho...why would you do this? Why would you let yourself hurt so much and not even tell me? I see it in your eyes every day," the smaller boy breathed, "I see the pain, the hurt, the anguish. I've heard you cry in your sleep. I've woken up every night that you haven't been able to stay asleep. I know you put on a face for our friends, but it isn't enough. You're hurting so much...and yet you won't even tell me why."

The use of his first name sent an aching barbed thorn through his heart. He bit his lip, his own grip tightening on Yoichi's waist. He felt his lip trembling, his shoulders had begun to shake. He tried his best to withstand the pressure that Yoichi was urging him under. He had been avoiding it for quite some time. He even resorted to mentally denying his pain, his hurt, his sorrow and searing fury, just to try to keep his composure.

"I just want to be here for you…and it scares me that you won't let me…"

He had to stay strong though...right?

"Shiho…"

He suddenly gasped, his eyes squeezing shut as he burrowed into Yoichi's shoulder. He was breaking. He suddenly let out a muffled cry as tears began to race down his normally cool and collected face. The heat shot and collected in his cheeks, neck and ears. He clung to the smaller boy, his wracked sobs shattering him as images of his innocent, sweet, beloved sister tethered to that demonic hellspawn flooded into his head.

The putridly grotesque demon that loomed over her like an oncoming plague had overwhelmed, angered and frightened him. Having to sit back and watch Yuu battle the creature that used his sister to channel its existence, unable to do anything for her tore him apart in ways he couldn't imagine as possible.

Knowing that his military superiors were the ones who had chained her to that god awful thing, no doubt causing her unbearable pain, dug a hole deep in his stomach and heart; causing his insides to twist and wring out any last drop of trust or loyalty he had left for anyone but his friends. The scorching surge of anger that impaled him that day was unbelievable. It had been too much. It had been far too much.

"M-Mirai...! Mirai! I failed, Mirai! I'm sorry...I'm so sorry….I didn-didn't protect you and-" an agonizing wail weighed down by regret and guilt crashed onto the ground, "I didn't know, Mirai! I didn't know! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! "

Yoichi hugged back fiercely, stroking his hair as Kimizuki collapsed in his arms. He was violently shaking, tears soaking through Yoichi's t-shirt.

"All I-I ever wanted was to p-protect you... why is that so hard for me to do! " he choked out another sob, his voice lowering, "C-Can't I just once hold y-you and know that you're safe and happy? Is-is that too much to ask?"

He cried harder into Yoichi's shoulder, a dam in his heart flying wide open. He shuttered out breath after breath, holding Yoichi close. Yoichi moved to kiss his cheek, staying silent as Kimizuki finally let himself go. He patiently waited, stroking his hair and hugging him tight. They continued like this for who cares how long, Kimizuki eventually exhausting himself to the point of small hiccups and gasps.

Even after he was finished, he didn't care to lift his head from Yoichi's shoulder. His eyes felt puffy, his head heavy, his throat dry. He was tired and still a bit shaky, as well. He hadn't ever cried this hard in his entire life. He had been too scared to. He felt as though he didn't even have the right to think about crying when the objective and priority at hand was staying alive and strong for Mirai. He had to remind himself sometimes that he was only sixteen...he was actually still a boy; but he never felt that was a justified enough of a reason to break down.

None the less, Kimizuki had to admit that it felt good to cry it out. He hadn't experienced such a refreshing wash of emotions before. Growing up in a world like theirs, there wasn't much room for that kind of stuff, it seemed.

He finally lifted his heavy head from Yoichi's small shoulder. He tried to take a deep breath, only for it to come out sputtered and ragged. He swallowed, letting another tiny hiccup escape. He looked at Yoichi's small, understanding smile. He somehow felt soothed by those pure eyes, despite the new pounding in his head. Yoichi always knew how to make things better, Kimizuki concluded, and he was lucky and thankful to have him as a bit more than just a close friend.

The stoic, level-headed pinkette easily accepted the fact he wouldn't have wanted anyone else's shoulder to cry on but Yoichi's. He didn't feel as though anyone else was quite as capable enough of holding his trust as Yoichi was. Yoichi's hands were warm, tender, loving and caring. It seemed like a perfect place to place one's trust and heart, hm?

"You know, you're already a better brother than I ever was," Yoichi whispered.

Kimizuki's dark eyes widened, "No-don't say that, Yoichi. That isn't true at all-you were just a kid…you couldn't have possibly-"

"I'm doing what I'm doing to make up for what I wasn't able to do back then, and to prevent hiding under the bed ever again. You...you've beendoing what I couldn't do, and I admire you so much for that. I've always admired you for it," the archer hummed, "You're strong, brave and loving. You've nurtured and protected Mirai the best you could, doing everything and anything for her. You did what you thought was right, and you love her. I'm sure she knows that, and I know she loves you, too, Shiho. And now...now we're going to go rescue her, wherever she may be. You, her big brother, are going to go search for her because you want to protect her. I don't think she could have asked for anything better. You haven't failed her. You haven't failed her at all."

Kimizuki's breathing was steadier now, and he couldn't help himself but to lean over and plant a tentative kiss on his lips.

"You're far too good to me," Kimizuki murmured, "...Thank you."

Yoichi beamed.

"One day, you, and everyone else will meet Mirai, and I'll be sure to tell her about the wonderful family she never knew she had. I'll tell her how they were there for me, and how they helped me find her, how they helped me protect her," Kimizuki promised, "And then she'll give you the biggest hug you've ever had in your life."

Yoichi let out a small giggle, his angelic smile spreading wider while a few little curls of hair bounced.

"I look forward to it!"

Their moment was suddenly interrupted by a distant snore. The pair looked back at the group, honestly surprised any of them hadn't been woken up. Kimizuki scoffed, muttering how Yuu's snoring is the stupidest noise he'd ever heard. He rolled his eyes.

Yoichi turned back.

"Tomorrow we leave to start the mission. I think you should actually try to sleep for a bit," Yoichi suggested, "Come on. Let's go back to bed. It's cold over here anyways."

Kimizuki nodded, both of them standing before moving over to get settled down in their shared makeshift bed. Yoichi smiled again when he felt the familiar weight of Kimizuki's arm around him. Kimizuki hadn't been with Mirai in what seemed like ages, and the pulsating ache of missing her wouldn't subdue until he found her again. But until that day, the boy could only feel grateful that he was able to at least have one person he loved still nestled safely in his arms.

* * *

 **you dicks don't understand the emotions I have associated with Kimizuki siblings.**

 **MIRAI DIDN'T DESERVE THE SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO HER AND KIMIZUKI DIDN'T DESERVE TO HAVE TO JUST WATCH IT HAPPEN. I'm too full of emotions that's why this fic exists at all.**

 **I should write something happier with these two to make myself feel better fuck.**


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